Tracing Back the Threads: Where My Journey Began

Let’s hop in a time machine and rewind to where it all started for me. The story begins way back in elementary school, even though I had no idea what any of those early feelings really meant. I was just a kid, blissfully unaware but already picking up on tiny little signs that I would only understand much later.

One of my clearest memories is a conversation with a friend. They mentioned something about not wanting to be the gender they were, and without thinking, I chimed in and said I’d rather be a girl. Of course, there were smaller signs too—like my obsession with Barbie movies and secretly painting my nails with a text marker, only to freak out and scrub it off so no one would think I was weird.

But even with all those hints, I didn’t realize I was transgender back then. That epiphany didn’t come until secondary school. By that time, I had pretty much buried any thoughts about being trans. But then depression hit me like a freight train, and it only got worse as time went on. Things shifted when one of my friends came out as trans—it was like a lightbulb switched on. Suddenly, I found myself questioning everything, realizing that I wasn’t just cisgender. Something else was going on, something I couldn’t ignore.

Still, even though I had a growing suspicion that I might be trans, I couldn’t bring myself to fully accept it. I kept everything bottled up, and that only made my depression worse. There was no one to confide in, so I pushed through each day, carrying that weight alone.

Fast forward to last year, in the midst of prepping for my A-Levels, and I finally gathered the courage to face my truth. The depression had reached a breaking point, and I knew I couldn’t keep living like that. So, I decided to come out to one of my best friends, and let me tell you—that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. For the first time in a long while, I started to feel a bit of relief, like maybe things could actually get better.

But the biggest challenge was still ahead: coming out to my parents. They had started to notice that something was off, and even asked me about it, but I was terrified to tell them. Eventually, I wrote a message to my mom and dad, but it took me hours to gather the courage to hit send. When I finally did, and we had the conversation, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Having the support of both my best friend and my family was a game-changer.

Even though I’m still struggling with depression to this day, coming out to my friend was pivotal because it gave me the courage to take control of my life and tell my parents too.

In my next post, I’ll dive into what’s happening now and share some of the other important moments that have shaped my journey.